Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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