So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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