i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
