I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize