I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
