16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
