If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
