Duck Duck Cougar?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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