hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
