So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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