It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
