So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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