all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize