just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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