the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
