I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
