We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
