when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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