You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
