Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
