started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think i got beer on your cat.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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