I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
