Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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