I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's shark week go big or go home
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
