i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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