is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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