Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
