I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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