Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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