For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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