i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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