Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
