I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
