bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
