We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
