he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
