The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize