Its about making memories worth repressing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
