Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
