Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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