ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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