my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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