Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
