when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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