Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
