this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
