paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
