Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
