Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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