don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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