Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
