nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
