you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
