the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
