Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
