if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
