I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
