Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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