Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
