You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
