farters have to be the big spoon...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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