Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
