The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
