My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
