it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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