here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
