Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
