Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
