I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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