He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
