Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
