my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
