what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
