tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
