Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
