my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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