I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
420 ftw
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
