You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
