i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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