im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
