I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
