i don't like sucking hair
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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