i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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