On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize