I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
