Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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