i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
