then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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