Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
