Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
