If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
