All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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