You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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