She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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