I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
