sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
