I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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