finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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