i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
