If that was your dad, he is hot
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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