I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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