Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
