The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I skipped work to stalk him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
