I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
