Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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