Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
