No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
